Few celebrity deaths shocked us more than the recent tragic death of Lakers legend, Kobe Bryant. From the moment my brother texted me he had died, I was glued to news outlets, and my Twitter feed, waiting for every excruciating detail to be revealed; all of this while wishing it was just a horrible dream. It wasn’t, of course, and the nightmare grew more horrendous when it was revealed his daughter, Gianna, was on that helicopter with him. As tributes to Bryant posted to social media accounts, grief about what would have been Gianna’s celebrated Women’s National Basketball Association (WNBA) career flooded feeds as well. As news outlets continued their coverage, it could easily be assumed Kobe and Gianna were the only lives lost that day; their families the only families to be devastated by cataclysmic loss.
By the time the Grammy Awards paid tribute after tribute to Kobe, it was revealed nine lives were taken by that crash, and Gianna was not the only child killed. At around the same, time messages reminding everyone the Bryants were not the only victims that day filtered into Twitter and Facebook feeds. Some people needed to remind the world it wasn’t only the celebrated lives that mattered, or not only the notable names were worthy of mention. I doubt it was ever anyone’s intention to minimize the losses of those other seven human beings, nor was it anyone’s intention to negate the grief of the families of John, Keri, and Alyssa Altobelli, Christina Mauser, Sarah and Payton Chester, and Ara Zobayan. It’s just that those seven lives and deaths didn’t unite us in the same way. We tend to be more impacted by the deaths of those who bring us together in celebration or debate.
Upon learning of Bryant’s death, millions of people instantly recounted watching his All-American slam-dunk contest performance, his first NBA game, winning his five titles, scoring 81 points, and 60 in his final game. These events became conversation pieces at jobs, in bars, in homes. Kobe was woven into the global fabric from the time he was a 17 year-old phenom. Aside from accolades, millions of others remembered a 2003 accusation and arrest for sexual assault in Colorado, and how Bryant admitted to an extramarital sexual encounter, but denied assault. Eventually, the case went away, Bryant was awarded a 7 year contract extension, and reclaimed several lost endorsement deals. Others will remember how he infamously forced teammate Shaquille O’Neal out of Los Angeles. Some would say the rich and famous always get there way; until it all goes horrifically wrong. Those parts of Kobe’s life are woven into our fabric as well. We discussed the boundaries that separate consent from assault; whether or not infidelity is forgivable; and how Kobe could be given a second chance in basketball, and in family life. Vanessa Bryant forgave him. We can too.
At 41 years of age, and with basketball and family turmoil behind him, Kobe was ready for his next chapter. We cared about that chapter, wanted to see it written, and wanted to read it together the way we would have loved to read to our kids the children’s book he was writing with author, Paolo Coehlo (The Alchemist); a book Coehlo has since deleted because as he put it, “it’s lost its reason.” That book was part of Kobe’s new life as a devoted father, husband, advocate for women, children’s sports, and artist. All the things he did either brought us together, or divided us.
We all mourn the loss of the adults, and maybe more so the children whose lives ended with an ellipsis, but we know all the lives are of equal value. It’s just that Kobe gave us one of those opportunities to come together the way the country rallied around Walter Cronkite when JFK was shot, and how we bonded after the attacks on the towers. It always seems to take a horrible tragedy to galvanize us, and we were galvanized by Kobe because we can’t fathom someone larger than life could be just as fragile as the rest of us. Maybe it is just easier for us to confront our mortality and fragility huddled together, and bonded by someone whose complex legacy touched us all in some way. It’s not that the other lives lost in the crash matter less. It’s just that they matter differently.
