Suppose you’ve become concerned about some of your child’s behaviors, and you decide it’s time they see a therapist. Maybe your son is “gaming” too much, and his grades are dipping. Perhaps your daughter isolates herself in her room, and rejects social opportunities. Your first response is to tell your son what he should be doing, or insist your daughter talks to you. As a parent, it makes sense that you would become anxious to the point of agitation. Parents are always terrified about the short and long term impacts of problematic behaviors. Your child ignores your efforts, which causes you to amp up your pursuit of solutions, only to…
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“Thriving” During COVID-19 Is Our Responsibility
Days after COVID-19 changed our way of living, I became aware of the extent to which I had made a smooth transition to working from home. Although I missed the intimacy of sharing our sacred space with my clients, and the banter of collegial relationships, I did not miss traffic, arriving home after 9pm, or alternate side of the street parking. Two weeks later, I was reading and writing more, walking 30 minutes a day, and developing a business website. Three weeks in I noticed my income remained steady, clients had welcomed virtual visits, and I lost seven pounds. My stress decreased, and productivity increased in the face of a…
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Allowing Elderly Loved Ones to Express Anxiety During COVID-19
We are living in a historical time during which every news story updates us on the prevalence and mortality rate of the Corona Virus (COVID-19), emotional response ranging from apathy among young spring breakers who believe themselves invincible, to older people whose anxiety has morphed into Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Then there is the population most at risk of fatality; our oldest loved ones, many of whom have preexisting conditions known to increase COVID-19 lethality. Many seniors are sequestered from family, and afraid while others live with family, and are still afraid. They are experiencing intensified fear of death, being a burden to loved ones, and all the unknowns about the…
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Five Keys to Calm During COVID-19
As if anxiety in our country isn’t high enough, a virus that spreads like brush fire is threatening our health, social connections, and possibly our livelihoods. Times like these are sure to amp up our tendency toward “what if?” thinking, and as we all know, the anxious mind never allows for a “what if?” with a happy ending. While I would never advocate for apathy in a time of global pandemic, absolute panic is not the way to go either. Panic leads to rash decisions, and for parents, the certainty of making our children feel as if the world is not safe. Here are some thoughts on how to keep…
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Self Care Is Not Just About “Self”.
In the eight months since I’ve turned the “the big 5-0”, several people have asked me how 50 is treating me. I responded to the first few inquiries with assurances it was treating me “fine”, and that I was happy to have achieved half a century of life. As I thought more about this, my answer to the next few people was more honest and insightful. I suddenly felt compelled to acknowledge that while 50 has done me no harm, I have been nothing short of abusive to it. I am fortunate to have reached an age characterized by nearing the mountain top where I will prepare for twilight years, and…
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Our Parents’ “Mistakes” Through a Wider Lens
For many of us, by the time we reach adulthood we’ve harbored blame toward at least one parent for wounds inflicted upon us in childhood. We incurred these wounds at a time when we most needed the world to be a safe place, and we were relied on our parents to provide that safety. Divorce, infidelity, withholding of warmth, or other trauma, rocks our foundation, and leads to resentment with long lasting effects. Several of my clients have divulged grudges against their parents, and are unwilling to let them go. Unfortunately, these grudges impact current relationships, as they are often used as shields to protect from risk of additional emotional…
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4 Qualities You Want in Your Next Therapist
Finding a therapist who is the right fit can be as daunting a challenge as finding the right mate. Amplifying the challenge is that most people wait until crisis strikes before they decide to search for a therapist. Rather than being proactive and preventative, we tend to be reactive to symptoms or relationship stress, then hope our therapist can fix us. Urgency often dictates we settle on a therapist who isn’t the best fit, but by the time we realize this, we choose to not terminate because starting over is exhausting. Because “fit” is essential to successful therapy, I’m highlighting four characteristics less obvious than empathy or universal positive regard. These…
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Accepting Responsibility for “Self” Is a Precursor for Change
We Cannot Change Negative Behaviors if We Ascribe Blame to Outside Entities
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Exorcising the Negative Voice Within
The Negative Inner Critic Need Not Take Up Permanent Residence Inside of Us
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Anxiety Lives in the Space Between Who We Are and Who We Want People to See
If the Gap Between Who We Are and Who We Want People to See Is Wide, Anxiety Has Room to Breed
