Suppose you’ve become concerned about some of your child’s behaviors, and you decide it’s time they see a therapist. Maybe your son is “gaming” too much, and his grades are dipping. Perhaps your daughter isolates herself in her room, and rejects social opportunities. Your first response is to tell your son what he should be doing, or insist your daughter talks to you. As a parent, it makes sense that you would become anxious to the point of agitation. Parents are always terrified about the short and long term impacts of problematic behaviors. Your child ignores your efforts, which causes you to amp up your pursuit of solutions, only to…
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Excerpt from the Therapy Room: Stephen and His Anxious Focus
“I don’t understand what she’s doing with him. He doesn’t work, and he has zero motivation”! Stephen had never spoken about his “baby sister”, Alicia, with such urgency. In past sessions, He’d proudly referenced their shared sardonic sense of humor, and bragged about her keen common sense. This differed from his relationship with his older brother, Bill, which he characterized as critical and competitive. Stephen and Bill were connected only by fandom of the same football team, and affinity for fatherhood. Stephen’s distance from Bill made Alicia more of a focal point in his life, which shed some light on his exasperation with her new boyfriend, the “doofus.” At first,…
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How to Reset the Work/Home Boundary During COVID-19
A long time ago, home was a place of calm. It was a harbor from stress, a fountain of rejuvenation, a place of play after a day of work. When sheltering began three months ago, my home became a mish mash of multiple life domains. It is now a space shared with clients; an office where I write notes and treatment plans; a venue for Zoom staff meetings and intern supervisions. COVID-19 has destroyed the notion of work/life balance, and judging from the multitude of tales I’ve been told, we all seem to be experiencing the same blurring of boundaries. At first, there was novelty in resting on my couch…
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Five Keys to Calm During COVID-19
As if anxiety in our country isn’t high enough, a virus that spreads like brush fire is threatening our health, social connections, and possibly our livelihoods. Times like these are sure to amp up our tendency toward “what if?” thinking, and as we all know, the anxious mind never allows for a “what if?” with a happy ending. While I would never advocate for apathy in a time of global pandemic, absolute panic is not the way to go either. Panic leads to rash decisions, and for parents, the certainty of making our children feel as if the world is not safe. Here are some thoughts on how to keep…
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Our Parents’ “Mistakes” Through a Wider Lens
For many of us, by the time we reach adulthood we’ve harbored blame toward at least one parent for wounds inflicted upon us in childhood. We incurred these wounds at a time when we most needed the world to be a safe place, and we were relied on our parents to provide that safety. Divorce, infidelity, withholding of warmth, or other trauma, rocks our foundation, and leads to resentment with long lasting effects. Several of my clients have divulged grudges against their parents, and are unwilling to let them go. Unfortunately, these grudges impact current relationships, as they are often used as shields to protect from risk of additional emotional…
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4 Qualities You Want in Your Next Therapist
Finding a therapist who is the right fit can be as daunting a challenge as finding the right mate. Amplifying the challenge is that most people wait until crisis strikes before they decide to search for a therapist. Rather than being proactive and preventative, we tend to be reactive to symptoms or relationship stress, then hope our therapist can fix us. Urgency often dictates we settle on a therapist who isn’t the best fit, but by the time we realize this, we choose to not terminate because starting over is exhausting. Because “fit” is essential to successful therapy, I’m highlighting four characteristics less obvious than empathy or universal positive regard. These…
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Why Some People Die Long Before They Stop Breathing
We Can All Choose to Sit Around and Wait For Death, or Live Until We Die.
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Dear Parents, Stop Scapegoating Your Kids
When Children Are Scapegoated as Identfied Problems, Their Self-Esteem Takes a Hit
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The Problem With “Color Blindness”
Rejecting Racism Through Color Blindness Does Nothing to Eradicate Racism. In Fact, It Perpetuates It.
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What the “Temperature” of Children’s Aggression Suggests
All Children Will Exhibit Aggression at Some Point, but Certain Contexts of Aggression Indicate Possible Childhood Behavioral Disorders...
